Wow! God totally rocked my world @ Camp. Im going to share a little story so please bear with me. Back in April I was @ choir practice and God prompted me during prayer to lift up my parents marriage. I felt this overwhelming burden for them and knew that something life changing had happened. I was crying for them & I didnt know why……..
Senior trip was coming up & I had gotten the time off to go.I was really excited and then God all of a sudden God told me to go to my parents home instead. I was like really?…really? Right now? He was like “yup”. Esohe had asked me one day why arent you going? You have the time off? I replied, “Something is going to happen that will make or break alot of things in my life, I dont know what it is yet…but Im going to go find out.”So instead of going to Sr. Trip I went to my parents home.
It was about 2am on Friday when I realized the home phone wasn’t working. Thats weird I thought. My moms not home either which is super weird. So I decided to stay up until she came home.Tried her cell…no answer.Weird again.As soon as my mom had gotten home she said “we need to talk”. It was that 1 tone which signifies something life altering is going to be said. I sat on the couch & prayed that God would prepare my heart for whatever was to be said. She said back in April your dad decided to leave & not come back….Im filing for Divorce. The tears to started to stream down my face. I started to question her & asked why and if they had gotten in a fight & how he could just neglect & abuse us for 22 years and just sweep all the dirt and hurt under the carpet & leave through the front door. I needed to be alone …I needed to be with Jesus.
God prepared me for such a time as this. To come to the desert & to be with my heavenly father & go home & find out that my earthly one is just gone. He has healed my heart from my own past & pains to now heal with my family. He reminded me of a verse in Jeremiah that says.”I remember the devotion of your youth how as a bride you loved me & followed me through the desert”. He then gave me Joel 2:25…I will restore to you the years that the locust has eaten.
My mom had asked me to come & move back home ASAP. I was ready to leave on July 13th, the day of the Mc grad to head back home w/ Ciera & my home church. I thought it was my reponsibility, my duty as the eldest….my obligation.My family is my first ministry and if my mom says she needs me I am willing to drop everything to help. So I was getting everything ready. Put in a months notice @ work, was loooking for someone to take over my lease…etc…etc.
A week before camp God put on my heart the verse in Phil. that says not to look back but to move forward toward the goal which is heavenward…which is Jesus. I know this sounds silly but I didnt know that Pator Ricardo wrote that song. So when I went to camp & he was speaking on that very topic I was blown away. I still didnt know if me moving forward was in CA or AZ…..so I prayed. God told me that I was not to go back to the vomit in my life …that he has established my steps in AZ & because of his firm foundation I will not be moved. He told me that me moving forward in who I am…in who He has created for me to be was not for me to move back & be in the midst of chaos when his desire is to give me peace.
It was starting to become my burden. The phone calls about the police needing to be called because your dad showed up @ the house and was going to fight your brother, the calls about going to get a restraining order gainst your dad,the calls that said your mom is crazy & I dont like your brother,Im staying at your aunts and am moving to Laguna….all of it…..I had to surrender. I cant fix it… I cant…I am not the holy spirit and I can not change this situation.
I will not take a step unless I know that God is there. Hes here for me…this is where He wants me @ this given time. Despite all the chaos this is what brings me peace.
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